Why would anyone need a noise cancelling headset?

 

We’ve all had a day where we’ve been jolted awake with the repetitive dirge of the jackhammer outside our house, you try to ignore it and go back to sleep, but, as Austin Powers might say “that train has sailed” .

 

You get out of bed and stagger towards the window, as you do so, the noise gets louder. You see three men, two are talking amongst themselves whilst diverting stray traffic and the 3rd is systematically dismantling the road where you live. They’ve kindly put up a yellow barrier, as if you needed any more signs that the road was being demolished by a pneumatic drill.

 

CHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGA!

 

As the jackhammer CHUGGAS away, you catch small sections of conversation, the lads talk very loudly indeed, as individuals who have spent a career shouting over loud machinery are wont to do.

 

“So I said to him, ‘listen mate, if you think for one second that I’m gonna-‘

 

CHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGA!

 

“Nah, I haven’t seen that one yet, but the second one was a massive pile of—“

 

CHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGA!

 

At first you believe it may be The Ghostbusters, re-enacting that hilarious scene from the second movie, but no such luck exists I’m afraid.

 

Once you head outside and learn that its the entire street that’s being CHUGGA’D’, that series 2 episode of ‘Black Books’ doesn’t seem as funny since it used to.

 

If that story doesn’t strike a chord (or at the least inspire a sympathy headache) then I’ll be a bit more precise. There are two different ways that a headphone can cancel noise; actively or passively. Passive noise cancellation is just the act of sticking your fingers (or anything) in your ears (cue fond memory of Roman soldiers using Parsley in the Asterix books). The second type is a lot more high tech, and generates a field of white noise around your earphones, this acts as something of the sound vacuum and doesn’t allow any outside noise to get in whatsoever (that is all very well and good but it also means you can’t hear your girlfriend yelling at you since you’ve forgotten to pick up your lunch).

 

The second type are especially useful if the bespoke workmen are planning on staying a while. Inquire with the workmen as to what their purpose is and so they’ll offer something like

 

“Yeah, busted gas main, you’re lucky we found it, usually because—“

 

CHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGACHUGGA!

 

You’ll do not know what is said, but you’ll no doubt be badgered by friends, neighbours and colleagues alike all asking you the same query, listed here are several possible answers you’ll be able to give: