Promotions, Thoughts & ETC “Oh no, not again!” 1 Man’s Quest to Loathe Everything

In my appearance as a proficient freelance writer who’s, at present, working on his primary full-length novel (cheap plug!), I requested of my favorite client that we branch out a bit from technology news/reviews and into more media, arts and entertainment areas. He was accommodating and gracious enough to offer the wacky idea a go and I set about cobbling together some film and song evaluations.

This was when it hit me; We have no idea what’s hot, who is doing it, or why I should care!

10 years ago, when I was a film undergraduate, I might have told you who the cinematographer was on even several obscure, little-seen indie flick. Heck, I could probably have taken a guess as to who delivered him his morning coffee in the shoot, but today I’m afraid I’ve no idea at all.

It is not entirely my blunder. Having graduated from University three years ago and moved out of my parent’s residence one year after that, my long-suffering girlfriend and I have not exactly been rolling in cash. I selected what I could by doing extra writing (and sometimes cleaning homes) and shopped a children’s book round the publishers (with less than even a polite whiff of interest, it should be said). She eventually landed a pretty good job and at the same time my fortunes improved a bit, but modern culture passed us by while we were busy doing our weekly purchasing using a calculator and developing one more hundred and fifty uses for tinned meat.

Its hilarious, I always questioned why my Dad’s record collection completely ceases to develop further sometime within the late 1970’s and does not pick up again until a small collection of (franky terrible) ‘Trashed/Mashed/Bashed/Crashed (delete as applicable) in Ibiza’ CDs within the 90’s. Well, now I know. This is the gap in the fossil record of pop culture; it is, essentially, a record of a cash-induced cultural extinction event that occurred at more-or-less exactly once he moved out with my Mum.

So, with that in mind, I decided to take a look at what was around in the interim by focusing on what was trending on Amazon, inside the hopes that there might be something I could speak about with some authority.

Now, I do not want this short article to read like an appendix to ‘is it just me or is everything shit?’ crossed with an episode of ‘Grumpy Old Men’ (even through I know full-well that its likely to), but there is not a lot of stuff that I can maybe relate to, much less get excited about.

For me, it’s a case of ‘seen it’ approximately every time. Sure, the films probably only come out last week, but I read the novel that prompted the screenplay when I was at Uni, or I saw the little known French flick it had been according to at the same time as studying at college.

Oh, this band are a bit like an updated version of (evoke holy name of the divine 70’s punk/New Wave act here), except for that they lack the invention, the innovation as well as the talent that made the originals great. In another occasion, I would have ideas and opinions to express about the pop music of these days, but now I can’t even name the celebrities so that you can slag them off.

‘If you want that, you will love this!’ No, I won’t Amazon. And don’t think I do not see what you’re attempting to do, you sneaky bastards…

Oh, this Television show is about a teenage vampire, well, that is novel, especially bearing in mind that it wasn’t even original when ‘Twilight’ did it (Sheesh, it wasn’t even original when ‘Buffy’ was doing it).

Oh, this bestselling book series is fanfic according to that other book? What? I’m sorry, WHAT!?

…Since when was ‘find/replace’ a lucrative idea?

(Sigh) Since now, I suppose.

If there’s a point to all this bitter and twisted ranting (and remember, I said ‘if), it’s that I’m getting old and that this is less expensive than counseling. If there’s another, perhaps more relevant point, its that you must probably scrape together a tiny bit of money, go check out Amazon’s most up-to-date hit lists and purchase something, if scarcely to hold from ending up like me. Here, I’ll even link it for you.

So, in the long run, if my own (hypothetical) lad or daughter flicks through my CDs/DVDs and asks why the newest albums are (disgracefully) ‘Noctourniquet’ by The Mars Volta (2012) ‘Brothers’ by The Black Keys (2010), ‘Only Revolutions’ by Biffy Clyro (2009), & Q-Tip’s ‘The Renaissance’ (2008), I’ll just smile and say “you’ll see” and leave it at that.

You will see. Just see if you don’t.